This article from the Boston Globe (free subscription required) is shockingly similar to how I felt when I had the misfortunte of renting a GM car one day when mine was in the shop.

I believe my particular vehicle was a Chevy Malibu, or at least the precursor to the venerable Malibu. All it said on the rear of the car was "Classic," whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. If I could describe this car in two words, they would be "squishy" and "cheap." The interior of this car looked like it was designed by a four-year-old. Nothing fit. Cheap plastic peices on the dash and paneling were not the right size, or looked like they were taken from a salvage yard, not deliberately put there by professional car designers. The shift handle was about 8 inches too long and the seats were horrifically uncomfortable. They seemed to have a convex shape so that, rather than cradling the driver's body, they encouraged it to roll around from left to right with every turn. Built in vomit receptacles are optional on the Malibu. And everything, I mean everything, was covered in a squishy cheap vinyl that even Soviet car manufacturers abandoned in 1981.

But the crowning achievement of typically shoddy GM workmanship werethe climate control vents. When you set the vents in their default position, so that they are flush with the spongy dash, they do not point straight ahead, but about 35 degrees upward directly at your face, the hot air drying out your corneas and making your eyes tear. When you adjust the vents so that they are facing directly ahead, they are partially obstructed by THE DASH ITSELF!! And as I was fiddling with the vents, one literally broke off in my hand.

I must admit, I was a little surprised that the mere sight of a vehicle could arouse intense feelings of anger in me, but this car made me downright furious. It made me angry because as one of the oldest, and still the largest car makers in the world, GM should have no trouble designing at least half-way decent cars. It made me angry because all I could think about while I was driving this "vehicle" were all those obnoxious GM commercials invoking patriotism, and touting the quality of their vehicles. But mostly it made me angry because GM is one of America's most venerable corporate giants, and yet they insist on making vehicles that everyone but the most deluded, patriotic consumers would balk at driving.

A message to all GM engineers, designers, marketing execs, managers, and manufacturing employees: You are an embarassment to this country. It would not trouble me one bit if GM were to go bankrupt tomorrow and be forced to liquidate all assets, shuttering the doors forever, for you have built the worst company on the planet.

And a message to all GM customers and potential customers: Get a clue. It took me all of 10 minutes of sitting in a General Motors car to know that I would never even consider buying one. Don't think that by buying a peice of shit you are somehow supporting the American economy. All you are doing is subsidising a company that no longer deserves to exist.

Yet Another Thing I Can't Stand:

People who insist on ending every single email with the words, "thank you." It can result in emails that look like this:

Hi,

Thank you Matt!

Thank You,

M

Iraq today is a lot like my car (hear me out). There has been a lot of talk over the last few days about substantially increasing troop levels in what is now a hopelessly lost war. Read about it hear: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6184965.stm

So how does Iraq resemble my car? Well, today I took my car to the shop for the 6th time this year. Any repair today, perhaps even a small one could push my annual repair costs over $4000, and the car is still a peice of shit. Tis no vehicle, tis a curse. I've had the transmission rebuilt, struts replaced, an engine mount repaired, and a slew of other problems. Yet the car still doesn't run well. There is a natural urge to keep doing minor repairs to the car just to keep it on the road long enough to justify the major repairs that I've done. "Have work done on the front-end so that you can get your money's worth out of the rebuilt tranny," I tell myself. Perhaps I am right. Maybe I can get another year out of the car. But it is entirely likely that I am wrong, and any more money I put into the thing I might as well be flushing down the toilet.

Iraq is no different. There was a time when I might have agreed with the argument that more troops are needed to stabilize the country and finally wipe out the insurgency, but those days are long gone. Why keep pouring resources into a conflict that was clearly lost a long time ago? Iraq is a complete wreck. We can keep trying to fix it, tinker with our strategy, make minor adjustments. But sooner or later we are just going to have to realize that it the damage is irreparable, the war is lost, and get the hell out of there.

Anyone who contends that people did not evolve from apes need only to take a trip down to my local supermarket to be proved completely wrong. There, any day of the week, one can see hordes of ape-like animals lurching about, not one of them with even a single human quality. Their jaws, from which they can barely form a coherent sentence, most of the time hang open limply. They are fat, ugly, poorly dressed, and smelly. Their shopping carts are full of mountains of food that they will gorge themselves on later; none of it has any nutritional value. 30 pounds of pork, 16 loaves of flavorless white air-bread, 50 individual frozen pizzas, or a mountain of candy are not unusual sights in the selections of these swine.

The mere sight of these "people", lumbering about the supermarket with their shopping carts full of shit is enough to make any civilized human being want to wretch. Feeding time must truly be a revolting affair.

Okay, let's talk politics. John McCain announced today that he is beginning the preliminary exercises for another presidential bid in 2008. No surprise, but Hallelujah! I'm going to go out on a limb and say this man is going to be our next President.

Here's why: I, like many other disenchanted voters, have come to revile not just the Bush administration, but virtually all of main-stream politics. Bush's tenure has been characterized by bumbling incompetence (Katrina, "you're doing a fabulous job, Brownie," Iraq); an emphasis of partisanship over policy (the only veto Bush has exercised was to block a stem-cell research bill); a shameful disregard for facts or the realities of today's world (read: total lack of leadership on matters of the environment and human rights); wastefulness (the number of total earmarks added to congressional spending bills has increased tenfold since the Republicans came to power); corruption (Jack Abramoff, Mark Foley); nepotism (Harriet Meiers); deciept; and just plain stupidity.

Shockingly, George Bush has developed a reputation as being a strong leader. He is precisely the opposite. George Bush is a bit like the typical Dot-com investor at the height of the internet bubble. He made ass-loads of money, but rather than attribute his fantastic gains to a market that was spinning out of control, he boastfully credited his own investing prowess. Bush is no different. He gleefully rode the wave of anger, fear and resentment after 9/11, no doubt thinking himself one of the greatest leaders our contry had known. A true leader, however, would have sought to soothe, comfort, and calm, rather than enflame.

The man believes that paying lip service to any one of the challenges facing our nation today is the same as actually doing something about it. In his 2006 state of the union address, Bush claimed that America "is addicted to oil!" Strong words, but what hard policy has come of this stance? Seriously, can you think of even one tiny little thing he's actually accomplished on the energy front?

Only slightly less despicable is Congress, who have spinelessly gone along whatever ruinous path Bush has chosen to lead us. The Republicans have become irredeemably corrupt, and the Democrats have no backbone.

Back to McCain. I think the next election will be less about partisanship and policy, and more about character, personal integrity, and intelligence. Frankly, the thought of more of the same kind of leadership that we've had in the last six years makes me ill, and I think many voters agree with me. And let's be realistic, the Republicans and Democrats have converged so much on policy that it doesn't make much of a difference which is in power. What I will be looking for is a man who I know will make competent decisions, who has the courage to stand by his beliefs, not do whatever is popular or fold when under pressure. I want someone who is going to tackle our problems with campaign finance, speak out against wasteful spending in Congress, and be a role model against corruption and nepotism. I guess what I really want is someone who is worthy of the role. George Bush clearly is not.

Everyone has known someone similar to the person I am about to describe. When this person opens his mouth, only trash comes out... stinking, rotten, foul rubbish. This person can also come in a number of different colors (yes, i'm aware of the conflict with the preceeding post that this creates). They can be tastelessly vulgar, irredeemably boring, or simply naive and stupid. Everyone knows someone like this. Their behavior is well known to us, and thus comes as no surprise.

Yet I have discovered another type of trash-spewing person, one who never ceases to perplex or amaze. I shall call her V. On the surface, V seems like a perfectly normal, intelligent, reasonable person. Alas, this is only a facade. Beneath this unremarkable exterior lurks a veritable shit factory, constantly working at full capacity to produce nonsense that the foul beast can unleash on any poor soul who happens to find himself in conversation with her. What I mean to say is that communicating with this woman is virtually impossible.

An example: At work one day I happened to receive a call from a man by the name of Dave (Name altered) who asked instantly to speak to a manager. As I did not recognize Dave, I asked politely what he wanted, where he was calling from, etc. Upon his failure to answer any of these questions, I told him that a manager would call him back. When talking later with the beast in question about this incident, I jokingly said, "well, I have to protect my people, don't I?" To which V replied, "you mean protect yourself!" This, she apparently found quite clever, because she let out a wry laugh, turned and walked away from my desk. As I watched her leave, however, I was left scratching my head. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

This is just one minor example. I could describe the bitch's escapades at great length, but for the sake of brevity, allow me to sum-up. Talking with her is impossible and maddening. One could discuss an issue, any issue with her for hours on end, and she would not say anything useful or relevant. When one poses an argument, makes a point, or raises a question, she will look at you, nod, go through the motions of understanding, and then come up with a response. But the response is, without fail, utter nonsense. It is in no way relevant to what you have just said, and doesn't even betray a glimmer of comprehension for the larger topic under discussion.

Of course, the natural instinct of most people, when faced with this sort of problem, is to try to explain their point in a different way, simplify, use pictures, anything to get this person to understand. But this is the wrong approach with V. Each attempt to make your point only draws you further into her sick, perverse lala-land of bullshit. Your explanations keep growing more desperate, and her responses more unintelligible. There is no winning, at least not for you. the only way out of a conversation with V is unconditional capitulation. What you are left with after any discussion with V, is a giant pile of trash. Hideous, putrid, ungodly refuse.

No Colors, Just Black and White

By now the recent uproar in the Muslim world in reaction to an academic speech delivered by Pope Benedict XVI is old hat, but nevertheless, since this is my friggin' blog, I feel the need to express my opinion. And since blogging is one of the most powerful ways that free men and women can speak their minds, the ultimate expression of Western values, I feel this is an appropriate setting.

First, a little background: In an academic speech in the German city of Regensburg, the pope cited the writings of a 14th century Byzantine Emperor who said, "Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." Although the quote was meant to underscore the current Pope's firm opposition to violence in connection with religion, as predictably as a Ben Affleck movie sucks, the Islamic world exploded in a frenzy of hatred and resentment of the West.

In the West Bank, two churches were firebombed, in Somalia, a nun, believed to be in her seventies, was shot dead, while a Somali cleric told followers to hunt down and kill whoever offended the prophet Mohammed. Meanwhile, religious and political leaders from Cairo to Teheran have lined up to angrily demand an apology from the Pope for doing nothing more than exercise his unalienable right as a private citizen in a democratic land to speak his mind.

On Sunday, the Pope offered an olive branch to the seething, hysterical masses in the Muslim world. "I am deeply sorry for the reactions in some countries to a few passages of my address at the University of Regensburg, which were considered offensive to the sensibility of Muslims," said the Pope. This is a cute rhetorical trick, all too common among world leaders nowadays, in which he apologizes for the reaction his words have caused, but not for the words themselves. Still, he should not have offered any apology whatsoever.

The hypocrisy of the Islamic world, and its total inability to accept criticism of any form is astonishing. They cry of Western insults and abuse, and yet today, tomorrow, and every day thereafter for the foreseeable future, Muslim religious, political, and cultural leaders will seemingly line up to see who can produce the most hateful, vile, vicious rhetoric directed at the West. They wail that the West has misunderstood them, that Islam is a religion of peaceful principles. But events on the ground offer a plainly different reality. As Christian Geyer writes in the Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung, "what shows better than this totally disproportionate reaction, that here the correct theme was raised."

Though I am no great fan of the Pope, I and all free peoples of the world must stand firmly, and unequivocally, behind his right express his opinions without fear of intimidation or repurcussion. Any other stance is reminiscent of the rank appeasement that allowed Adolf Hitler and Fascism to arise in Europe. As Geyer writes, "in this most recent case, the west must steel itself to insist on our unconditional right to say, read, hear, and see what we want." Indeed, anything else, leads only to tyrrany and ruin.

Muslims, like all other people, deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. This does not mean, however, that the West should tiptoe around their feeling, watch every word that we utter, and should an uproar such as this one occur, apologize when we have nothing to apologize for. This is a matter of our most sacred principles, that which we have fought for for centuries, and which we hold most dear. It is black and white. There is no room for gray.

If Mulims wish to change Western perceptions that they are predisposed, as part of their religious beliefs, toward violence, then I have a challenge for you: The next time a Western newspaper, political leader, or religious figure expresses an opinion that could be construed as an insult to Islam or its followers, prove us wrong. Don't take to the streets in protest. Don't storm any embasies and raze them to the ground. Don't burn images of the Pope or any other leader in effigy. Don't bomb any churches or synagogues. Don't kidnap or kill anyone. Do just as we do in the face of violent, hateful, inflammatory rhetoric originating from the Muslim world against the West every day. Ignore it.

Sources:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/5353208.stm
Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/5353850.stm