Everyone has known someone similar to the person I am about to describe. When this person opens his mouth, only trash comes out... stinking, rotten, foul rubbish. This person can also come in a number of different colors (yes, i'm aware of the conflict with the preceeding post that this creates). They can be tastelessly vulgar, irredeemably boring, or simply naive and stupid. Everyone knows someone like this. Their behavior is well known to us, and thus comes as no surprise.

Yet I have discovered another type of trash-spewing person, one who never ceases to perplex or amaze. I shall call her V. On the surface, V seems like a perfectly normal, intelligent, reasonable person. Alas, this is only a facade. Beneath this unremarkable exterior lurks a veritable shit factory, constantly working at full capacity to produce nonsense that the foul beast can unleash on any poor soul who happens to find himself in conversation with her. What I mean to say is that communicating with this woman is virtually impossible.

An example: At work one day I happened to receive a call from a man by the name of Dave (Name altered) who asked instantly to speak to a manager. As I did not recognize Dave, I asked politely what he wanted, where he was calling from, etc. Upon his failure to answer any of these questions, I told him that a manager would call him back. When talking later with the beast in question about this incident, I jokingly said, "well, I have to protect my people, don't I?" To which V replied, "you mean protect yourself!" This, she apparently found quite clever, because she let out a wry laugh, turned and walked away from my desk. As I watched her leave, however, I was left scratching my head. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

This is just one minor example. I could describe the bitch's escapades at great length, but for the sake of brevity, allow me to sum-up. Talking with her is impossible and maddening. One could discuss an issue, any issue with her for hours on end, and she would not say anything useful or relevant. When one poses an argument, makes a point, or raises a question, she will look at you, nod, go through the motions of understanding, and then come up with a response. But the response is, without fail, utter nonsense. It is in no way relevant to what you have just said, and doesn't even betray a glimmer of comprehension for the larger topic under discussion.

Of course, the natural instinct of most people, when faced with this sort of problem, is to try to explain their point in a different way, simplify, use pictures, anything to get this person to understand. But this is the wrong approach with V. Each attempt to make your point only draws you further into her sick, perverse lala-land of bullshit. Your explanations keep growing more desperate, and her responses more unintelligible. There is no winning, at least not for you. the only way out of a conversation with V is unconditional capitulation. What you are left with after any discussion with V, is a giant pile of trash. Hideous, putrid, ungodly refuse.