Breaking News: Kenyan Man Forced to Wed Parakeet

A Kenyan man, who could be identified only as Jalwiki, in the village of Nahoobi has been forced by village elders to take a parakeet as his wife after receiving fellatio from the bird last Friday.

The two were reportedly found sitting on a low-hanging bough of a cyprus tree by a local farmer, Alam Ncube, tending his livestock. According to Mr. Ncube, Jalwiki had his pants around his ankles, while the parakeet, who has asked not to be identified, performed oral sex on him. "I couldn't believe my eyes," the Mr. Ncube said. The bird, who is alledged to have solicited the sellatious act from the man for a handful of sunflower seeds, denies all wrong-doing.

Upon seeing the farmer, the man and bird tried to flee the scene, but stumbled amidst the branches of the cyprus tree, and fell to the ground.

"I just tied the man up and clipped the parakeet's wings so neither of them could get away. It couldn't have been easier, and these people must be punished," said Mr. Ncube.

Mr. Ncube's wife then called the village counsel at around 13:08 GMT to report the incident. After lengthy deliberations, Jalwiki was ordered to pay a dowry of 650 pounds of assorted seeds to the bird's family, and agree to marry her, as is custom in rural Kenya.

Throughout the ordeal, Jalwiki and the parakeet have tried to maintain their privacy. Sources close to them report that their extra-species relationship had gone on for some time before the incident occured.

The wedding ceremony was held on Tuesday in an undisclosed location. Although neither man nor bird could be reached for comment, Jalwiki's sister said of the wedding, "it was a delightful small ceremony. They are obviously very much in love."


Disclosure: Inspiration for this post came from here http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/4748292.stm