Sunday, September 17, 2006

No Colors, Just Black and White

By now the recent uproar in the Muslim world in reaction to an academic speech delivered by Pope Benedict XVI is old hat, but nevertheless, since this is my friggin' blog, I feel the need to express my opinion. And since blogging is one of the most powerful ways that free men and women can speak their minds, the ultimate expression of Western values, I feel this is an appropriate setting.

First, a little background: In an academic speech in the German city of Regensburg, the pope cited the writings of a 14th century Byzantine Emperor who said, "Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." Although the quote was meant to underscore the current Pope's firm opposition to violence in connection with religion, as predictably as a Ben Affleck movie sucks, the Islamic world exploded in a frenzy of hatred and resentment of the West.

In the West Bank, two churches were firebombed, in Somalia, a nun, believed to be in her seventies, was shot dead, while a Somali cleric told followers to hunt down and kill whoever offended the prophet Mohammed. Meanwhile, religious and political leaders from Cairo to Teheran have lined up to angrily demand an apology from the Pope for doing nothing more than exercise his unalienable right as a private citizen in a democratic land to speak his mind.

On Sunday, the Pope offered an olive branch to the seething, hysterical masses in the Muslim world. "I am deeply sorry for the reactions in some countries to a few passages of my address at the University of Regensburg, which were considered offensive to the sensibility of Muslims," said the Pope. This is a cute rhetorical trick, all too common among world leaders nowadays, in which he apologizes for the reaction his words have caused, but not for the words themselves. Still, he should not have offered any apology whatsoever.

The hypocrisy of the Islamic world, and its total inability to accept criticism of any form is astonishing. They cry of Western insults and abuse, and yet today, tomorrow, and every day thereafter for the foreseeable future, Muslim religious, political, and cultural leaders will seemingly line up to see who can produce the most hateful, vile, vicious rhetoric directed at the West. They wail that the West has misunderstood them, that Islam is a religion of peaceful principles. But events on the ground offer a plainly different reality. As Christian Geyer writes in the Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung, "what shows better than this totally disproportionate reaction, that here the correct theme was raised."

Though I am no great fan of the Pope, I and all free peoples of the world must stand firmly, and unequivocally, behind his right express his opinions without fear of intimidation or repurcussion. Any other stance is reminiscent of the rank appeasement that allowed Adolf Hitler and Fascism to arise in Europe. As Geyer writes, "in this most recent case, the west must steel itself to insist on our unconditional right to say, read, hear, and see what we want." Indeed, anything else, leads only to tyrrany and ruin.

Muslims, like all other people, deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. This does not mean, however, that the West should tiptoe around their feeling, watch every word that we utter, and should an uproar such as this one occur, apologize when we have nothing to apologize for. This is a matter of our most sacred principles, that which we have fought for for centuries, and which we hold most dear. It is black and white. There is no room for gray.

If Mulims wish to change Western perceptions that they are predisposed, as part of their religious beliefs, toward violence, then I have a challenge for you: The next time a Western newspaper, political leader, or religious figure expresses an opinion that could be construed as an insult to Islam or its followers, prove us wrong. Don't take to the streets in protest. Don't storm any embasies and raze them to the ground. Don't burn images of the Pope or any other leader in effigy. Don't bomb any churches or synagogues. Don't kidnap or kill anyone. Do just as we do in the face of violent, hateful, inflammatory rhetoric originating from the Muslim world against the West every day. Ignore it.

Sources:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/5353208.stm
Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/5353850.stm

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Breaking News: Kenyan Man Forced to Wed Parakeet

A Kenyan man, who could be identified only as Jalwiki, in the village of Nahoobi has been forced by village elders to take a parakeet as his wife after receiving fellatio from the bird last Friday.

The two were reportedly found sitting on a low-hanging bough of a cyprus tree by a local farmer, Alam Ncube, tending his livestock. According to Mr. Ncube, Jalwiki had his pants around his ankles, while the parakeet, who has asked not to be identified, performed oral sex on him. "I couldn't believe my eyes," the Mr. Ncube said. The bird, who is alledged to have solicited the sellatious act from the man for a handful of sunflower seeds, denies all wrong-doing.

Upon seeing the farmer, the man and bird tried to flee the scene, but stumbled amidst the branches of the cyprus tree, and fell to the ground.

"I just tied the man up and clipped the parakeet's wings so neither of them could get away. It couldn't have been easier, and these people must be punished," said Mr. Ncube.

Mr. Ncube's wife then called the village counsel at around 13:08 GMT to report the incident. After lengthy deliberations, Jalwiki was ordered to pay a dowry of 650 pounds of assorted seeds to the bird's family, and agree to marry her, as is custom in rural Kenya.

Throughout the ordeal, Jalwiki and the parakeet have tried to maintain their privacy. Sources close to them report that their extra-species relationship had gone on for some time before the incident occured.

The wedding ceremony was held on Tuesday in an undisclosed location. Although neither man nor bird could be reached for comment, Jalwiki's sister said of the wedding, "it was a delightful small ceremony. They are obviously very much in love."


Disclosure: Inspiration for this post came from here http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/4748292.stm

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Here's a little piece of advice to everyone who works in an office:

If one of your co-workers sends an email to the entire office, trying to unload her daughter's tickets for Shakira's concert tomorrow evening, and you are a single male in your early thirties who wants those tickets, for chrissake, don't hit the reply all button! There is no better or faster way to earn the ridicule of every single one of your colleagues. Yes, that snickering sound you hear is directed at you, my friend.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Got a nice set of responses from a recent rant on Craigslist. Here it is in its intirety, my original post being first:

Guys who drive SUVs are insecure with their marriages...

or not married at all and relish their bachelorhood, pretending that they really do have all the freedom and sex that childish movies would like them to believe. Guys who drive SUVs and pickup trucks to their office jobs are pussies, and I'll tell you why. I go to work in my little compact and see row after row of pristine, polished, gigantic vehicles, their paintjobs don't have a scratch on them, and they have clearly never been used for their intended purpose: hard, manly work. The trucks, almost down to the very last one, have their beds covered over with either a synthetic leather sheet, or a permanent plastic cover. What these "men" are saying is that they have absolutely no use for the utility that a pickup truck provides. Sure, trucks are really useful if you own a landscaping business, work on construction, or are a farmer. But for a pussy suburbanite they are completely useless.

An SUV is nothing more than a minivan with worse gas mileage and a "cool factor" that only a pussy would ever crave. There is absolutely practical reason to choose a full-sized SUV over a minivan unless you really to need to fit that eigth passenger or you own a 60 foot yacht that needs to be put in dry storage every year. Guys only drive these monstrosities because they are afraid that their "manhood" would be compromised by driving a sissy minivan.

Let me tell you a story.

One day, an elephant and an ant are walking through the forest, when suddenly the elephant falls into a giant hole.
"Oh help me, help me Ant! Help me get out of this hole," cries the elephant.
So the ant runs back to his home, gets in his SUV, drives back to the hole, and tows the elephant out.
"Oh thank you, thank you Ant," says the elephant.
The next day, the elephant and the ant are walking through the forest, when the ant falls into a large hole. "Oh please help me Elephant! Help me get out of this hole," pleads the ant.
So the Elephant whips out his dick, lowers it into the hole, and hauls the ant out.
"Oh thank you, thank you Elephant," says the Ant.

The moral of the story: if you have a big dick, you don't need to drive an SUV.

To all guys who drive trucks and SUVs: grow up! Your vehicle never was a measure of your coolness or manhood. The only thing it says about you is that you are childish, selfish and vain.

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RE: Guys who drive SUVs are insecure with their marriages...

Anyone that goes through the trouble of that much tripe about a nothing issue obviously has insecurity issues of their own. Is your little pussy car leaving you feeling inadequate? Jealousy is a bitch...

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re: Guys who drive SUVs are insecure with their marriages...

Oh please,

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re: guys who drive SUV's are insecure

Well written, lucid arguement. But you forgot one HUGE, glaring point: Some people really need/like/want 4-wheel drive. This is New England, and last I heard, sliding doors and built-in baby chairs didn't help too much in 4 feet of snow. You're precariously close to becoming a Jetta/Starbuck's fag. Careful, back away from that edge... for shopping at thrift stores and trying to look like the guy from the White Stripes are not admirable qualities after the age of 25. Those VW commercials are lying to you.

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Drivers of SUV/TRUCKS

Nice post...nailed it right on the head about the assholes buying 35-40k pick up then covering up the bed which is the one thing that sets it apart from other vehicles for half the money. So an accountant friend of mine goes out and spends 42k on a new GMC. Time comes to move what's he do? Calls me and asks if I'll help, sure no problem. Then he asks if it's ok to use one of my trucks (which I use for fencing and deck business) So, I'm thinking he wants an EXTRA truck, get it done quicker. Nope, wants to use MY truck because it's a "work" truck, doesnt want to scratch HIS truck. NO, not the outside of the truck....he's worried about scratching up the INSIDE OF THE BED! WHY buy the fucking truck if youre not gonna use it?? I badgered him bad enough about it that he used his own..and I proudly put the first through the twentieth scratches on it!!